Shelter Bay Marina, Colon, Panama
Life is full of events which mark moments of growth, challenge, change. A life well-lived is one in which we can find the opportunity in each of these moments to make a difference – to the people in our lives, to the world we live in, and ultimately to our own hearts.
Four weeks ago we said goodbye to Sophia as she and her friend Sam boarded their ferry for step one of their journey back to their boarding school lives after a spring break visit to the BVI. Two days later I boarded the same ferry, and after a version of “trains, planes and automobiles,” landed in the San Francisco Bay Area. I was journeying in order to attend the wedding of my godson, Marc, to his bride Frances, whom he met while at Cal Berkeley. He is currently attending MIT getting his PhD in a specialty of quantum physics (whose subject title I cannot begin to understand, even though I too have a BS in Physics from Cal Berkeley!). To say he is bright is an understatement. He is the son of two of my best friends from my days at Cal, Carol and Pepe.
The wedding and surrounding events were every bit of fantastic – laughing with family and friends I have not seen in decades and meeting their fully grown up children was a delight. At one point I remarked to Pepe – “can you believe we started at Cal 40 years ago?” Surely we did the math wrong … we certainly don’t feel that old! It was a fun-filled weekend, replete with many a “Go Bears” cheer throughout the toasts. And when I say Go Bears, this family is all about the Blue and Gold. First there is the famous Cal 55 T-Bird (license plate reads “55TBEAR”; is owned by Pepe and Carol; is where Pepe proposed to Carol on Big Game day… the list could go on and on), the Cal Band came to serenade the newlyweds, the reception was at the beautiful faculty club in the heart of the Cal campus, and the the décor was blue and gold, right down to the labels of the chosen wines. It was a great time.
The highs of joy with that event were interrupted for me by a call in the middle of the reception from my brother Jason in San Diego. Mom was near the end, and we needed to arrange to put her on hospice care. I flew down the next day, as did my brother Jeff, and we spent the next week with our Mom. After a six year battle with dementia, Mom succumbed and passed away on March 29th at the age of 85. We three kids were blessed to have that week together and with her. She had her final burst of energy on Tuesday and was awake for almost four hours. She looked at us, and we could tell she knew we were there. After that, she went to sleep until she passed on Friday.
During that week we laughed, we cried, we shared stories of our childhood memories, Jason serenaded Mom (she always loved him singing country songs to her) and Jeff and Jason did their specialty dances for her (the “running man” and “the macarena”). We laughed so hard we cried. We played some of her favorite songs for her in her last hours, and we held her hands as she drew her last breaths: she was peaceful and comfortable, and finally released from this illness. Dementia is called the “long goodbye” … because it is just that. It has been a couple years since my Mom knew who we were, but we still spent as much time with her as possible, making her laugh when she could, giving her love and making sure she had the care she needed throughout the decline of this illness. She went out with grace, and will be missed. For me however, I take comfort in feeling like I can finally talk to her again and she knows who I am. We have a lot to catch up on.
Mom passed on Good Friday, and we organized a memorial service for her for nine days later on a Sunday afternoon, at the same church where we had our Dad’s service 15 years ago. It was a truly beautiful celebration of life, with friends and family coming in from around the states to pay respect and support us. We had four days of gatherings as people trickled into town and stayed past the service. Once again, seeing family and friends after so many years in between the last visits was a blessing. People all shared their stories of memories of our mom and coming together to pay tribute to her was a remarkable time. Jeff and Jason each gave fantastic eulogies, while I tried to keep my emotional self out of the limelight and stick to organizing a photo montage of her life to display during the service and reception. After my brothers’ extremely touching eulogies my reading of Psalm 23 was very difficult, tears came, and I barely made it through. Ahh Mom, Joyce Aurelia Oen (nee Malgieri), we will miss you.
A few days after the memorial, Mom’s godson, my first cousin Kenneth, became a grandfather. His daughter Lexi gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Sophia Rose on April 12th. A new branch in the Malgieri family tree – the true circle of life. My Mom’s godson becomes a grandfather, and my godson starts his marriage journey. The beauty of life in all of its glories, tears, cycles and wonder.
09 22 N 079 57 W
Shelter Bay Marina
Colon, Republic of Panama
Sending lots of love.